My stepfather died the week before Christmas. It is a huge loss for our family as he was a rock in many quicksand situations. He was also the rock for my mother. They were married 25 years, turning a life-long friendship into a long-term marriage after the loss of their spouses. The family came together to give him the send off he deserved, one that honored and celebrated the man he was.
He is my portion. When the Lord is your portion you desire to obey Him allowing Him to move in and through you in powerful ways. I know the verse but I don’t allow it to penetrate my heart in these stressful times. I need to focus on God being my portion.
I spent the week, following his death, with my mother, I knew there were many tasks to be accomplished, the lists piled up. I personally became overwhelmed with grief and to-do’s, helping my mother emotionally and physically, and juggling all the loving responses from others who were also feeling the loss. I was angry that my stepfather had left us and couldn’t believe he died so quickly. I struggled to maintain sanity and control of my emotions. I made more lists and checked off more important tasks accomplished in the days following his death. It was busy and overwhelming. I prayed. I prayed for sanity and for things to fall into place. I prayed and I wanted guidance and answers quick. I did what I thought I needed to do.
In times of feeling overwhelmed, I view God as a Genie in a bottle. My own little piggy bank into which I deposit my good deeds and out come the flowing of blessings. My heart is invaded by the desire for things to fall into place and work out easily, not allowing the Holy Spirit to roam freely through my spirit. My personal desires and the reality of being filled with all the fullness of God do not add up. I fall to the anger of this distorted view. I cry out, God meet me where I am!
God’s love language is prayer. Not prayer for the way you want things to work out but a deep communion with the God that is your portion. As I submit to God, praying for His Will to be done in all things the overwhelming peace beyond all understanding fills my soul. I continue to finish the tasks He has called me to do but now I do them with the knowledge of God’s Will being 
accomplished through me.
shines through us. I miss my step-father dearly, my mom’s heart is broken, but I know that God is with us and He is our portion as we allow His Holy Spirit to do immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine.
