From the beginning, I sabotaged my marriage with the baggage I held onto from my past. It created a person that lived with fear and accusations, lack of trust and negative vulnerability. I believed that getting married to a wonderful man would save me from having to live a life with these issues hanging over me. Seeing my husband as my savior didn’t set us up for a successful marriage. I convinced myself that my unresolved issues were not unhealthy; I saw them as normal things I tucked away but carried with me into every relationship and my marriage.
Everyone had baggage; I knew that. However, my baggage was packed a little different. I packed it with all my junk from the past, closed it and called it normal. When it was closed out of sight I felt more secure and judged others. I judged my husband’s issues and decided he needed to change. I was convinced he had a lot of issues and they needed to be confronted and healed. I was dead set on changing him and making him get rid of his baggage because they were having a negative impact on our marriage. Because I had packed away my junk out of sight I focused on him, not me.
My unhealthy and unrealistic mindset was not only affecting my judgment, it was also causing great strain on our marriage. The responsibility of how to love and meet my needs was placed fully on my husband I focused on his issues that needed to be corrected. I was a dictator of how he needed to be a more loving husband and getting rid of his baggage was the starting place. I needed him to love me the way I needed to be loved not seeing that it was my past junk that made me feel unloved. I was setting my husband up for failure and sabotaging our marriage.
Trying to make my husband love me how I needed to be loved without even understanding the true meaning of love created failure. The unresolved hurts, hang-ups, and hardships from my past were weighing me down like trying to hike with a backpack full of concrete. My steps were getting slower and I was falling more under the weight of the pack. I was not secure in our relationship and he needed to work harder to make me feel secure. I did not trust him even though he never committed an act of infidelity emotionally or physically. I was directing the correction of unresolved issues at my hubby not focusing where I needed to, my own issues.
Focusing on God and His loving and forgiving spirit is the beginning of taking responsibility of our own baggage. Unpack it, receive and give forgiveness to others and turn it all over to God. At times we may return to take a small part of the junk and hold onto it, just to fail again because of old issues. Once again we fall to our knees, pray for forgiveness of past hang-ups, hurts, and hardships.
Focusing on healing our past creates a more loving attitude. A healthy me helps heal a hurt marriage. With healing and forgiveness, your relationship can begin the healing process that takes you into the loving and honoring relationship that God intended.
What can you do today to stop sabotaging your relationships? God wants us to live a glorifying relationship that honors Him. Where can you begin today in representing that loving and honoring relationship He desires? What baggage do you need to set down, unpack and ask forgiveness from yourself, your past and God?
Let’s walk together in the healing of our past that makes for a better future. Please pray for me as I continue daily to leave my baggage with Christ and have a more loving attitude and actions toward my husband, boys and others I come in contact with.