“A happy marriage is the union of two great forgivers.”
– Ruth Bell Graham
I take great pride in the fact that my hubby and I celebrated our 30th Anniversary on New Year’s Eve. I take no pride in all of the mistakes I have made over the years and still make at times.
I have taken the opportunity and sometimes pleasure, over the years to point out to my husband all the ways he has hurt me, all the ways he’s not as good as someone else’s husband, all the ways he does things wrong.
All. The. Ways.
I point out one way. One-way views distort our stories.
When we see something one way our story reflects the view we have. The one-way view. We see all the hurts and hardships our spouse puts on us but don’t take into account how we are contributing to the pain between us.
Each year my hubby returns to the baseball world just before Valentine’s Day. I joke that you can tell men who want to save money by not celebrating Valentine’s Day dictate the schedule.
I have to be very careful not to create a story in my head about our marriage not being important enough to take time from his job.
His job is, and our marriage is still important even though he has to work.
But my mind can create very elaborate stories around both.
I have to be very controlling of my racing brain as it causes more issues than are
When those thoughts begin, take each one captive.
Once confined and not let to spin out of control, evaluate the validity.
Is it a true statement or is it a statement based on hurt feelings.
Fact or Feelings?
Once you determine the root of the thought, you can then redirect.
If it is a truth, go to your spouse.
First tell then what you see as hurt and how you have contributed to it.
Then pray together to get past the hurt.
And finally, change the direction of the issue.
When it is time for my hubby to leave I have to redirect the hurts I feel and ask David to love me through them.
We talk, presenting every pain and praise.
Then we pray.
Today we prayed in excitement for all we expect God to do this season.
We prayed that each day we would begin with the question, What will God do?
Our excitement for the opportunities of these special God moments takes us and our feelings out of the mix and places God in the center!
This week take time to diligently pray for God to reveal to you how you have caused some of the issues that lie in between you and your spouse.
Find one thing that your spouse does that makes you smile.
Without a but… without a hidden agenda… without being angry.
Smile back at them.
Take time to see the good.
Forgive them. All. The. Ways.
Be on the lookout.
Be a Great Forgiver.
Lord, we thank you for the opportunity to connect with you first and foremost.
We thank you that you are at the center of every relationship here.
Forgive us for where we’ve failed. Bless our lives with the love you have for us.
Excellent and well said. We are 32 plus years and I’m still learning I need to keep my mouth shut and not be defensive when he gently suggests a different way than my way to do things. It’s worth it.
Love to you, Billie!
And it’s even harder when he leaves tomorrow and won’t step foot back in the house until October! Praying to not let my feelings take over our last few hours together! Love you, Jeannine!