Tired of trying to keep it all together, struggling to keep it all together, living moment to moment not sure of how much more I could handle, I didn’t know what to do. Life was complicated. Nothing was coming easily. I was not happy. What was I going to do?
That time has come and gone during different seasons in my life. I thank God daily for the time I finally said I’m done. I had three little boys and a husband who was doing year round baseball. This meant he left for Spring Training in February, another city for the season on April 1st, then winter ball in October. Our older sons were in school and I was determined they were going to have a ‘normal’ life where they had a home, a white picket fence, friends they hung out with each day, school days that started at 8am and ended at 3pm. I wanted them to experience life the way it should be. I strived each day to make life normal for my kids. In baseball, we are not afforded quantity time with dad because of his schedule, especially when he is doing year round baseball. Dad leaves in February, we move after school is finished, for the summer to whatever city he is working in, then return ‘home’ in August to start school again.
Waking up to a cold rainy mid-week morning I was overwhelmed with sadness. Our son had cried himself to sleep the night before. He was missing his daddy. I was angry. Sleep was fleeting as I tossed and turned blaming my husband for his job and his choices to be away from us. The absence of the sun the next morning availed no hope for a good mood. The boys woke up with their usual energy and nothing went well. Shoes were missing, lunch boxes dropped and contents went rolling down the steps, an argument began with who was going to open the door to the car and ended in rolling around on the ground as they fought for the right to open the door. I blamed my husband in my heart as I spouted hurtful words toward my kids. Once I got the boys to school and returned home I fell onto my bed in a heap of tears. My life was not what it was supposed to be. It wasn’t what I had planned.
That one statement changed my life. I’m done. Opened a door of possibilities. I’m done. A proclamation that I had failed in my abilities opened the deep places in my heart to ask Jesus to take control. That day I knew I couldn’t do it. That day I knew only He could. That day I allowed Jesus to become the center of my life, my world.
Filled with hope.
Overwhelmed with peace.
Filled with His Spirit.
I gave up on my plans and gave in to His guidance. My life was not magically easier or happier because of the circumstances but the presence of God in my life brought me peace, hope, and happiness. Giving up on hanging onto my desires and giving in to God’s guidance was transformational in my life. Sadness lessened. Blame decreased. Healing began.
Have you ever had times where life takes a sharp turn away from what your plans were? Have you woken up with a plan to be happy, accomplish a certain task, only to have something happen that sends you in a direction you never wanted to go? Have you had a time where you just can’t do it anymore?
Give up and Give in. Give up on control. Give in to the plan God has in this season. Go out in joy and be led by Him into a whole and complete life.
“In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.” Proverbs 16:9 MSG
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13 NIV
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands.” Isaiah 55: 8-12 NIV