When I compare my marriage to what others seem to have in theirs I set myself up for failure. I love being married. We have purposefully worked on our friendship and committed to bettering our marriage every day. There are days though when I wonder, am I getting it right? I strive to control my anger, say encouraging words and love no matter what. Often my striving becomes the reality of, I am human and slip up in spite of my best intentions. There are other women who I see who have it all together. They gush about having an amazing marriage saying they hardly ever fight. I can’t seem to keep it all together and I fail at being nice to my husband.

Comparing their marriage to mine makes me feel like a failure. I worry so much about messing it all up, AGAIN! We have come a long way in bettering our marriage and I am so afraid if I don’t size up to the perfect wife I see in passing that it will all fall apart again. I compare myself to the women I see, wanting to be like them.

Put women together and there will be a flurry of comparison, if only in our own minds.chain link fence 2
“I want that purse. My bag came from Target. I am embarrassed.”
“I wish my hair looked like hers. If only my hair curled like that.”
“They make so much money. That must be what being in the “big leagues” looks like.”
“She is so graceful and petite. I am an amazon woman.”
“They are always smiling when they are out with us. I don’t even want to look at my hubby.”
“Their marriage is perfect, mine is falling apart.”
“Their kids are so successful and never get in trouble. Mine…well they are mine!”

These comparisons lead us to doubt ourselves. When we compare our worst with everyone else’s best or, at least, what we see as their best we will feel worthless every time. The shackles of comparison hold us in the prison of unworthiness. Feelings of not sizing up can hold us in a defeated pattern of our lives not being good enough.

In these times of insecurities, we can show anger and jealousy of others appearances being so perfect. Guard your heart and your tongues by not choosing to be negative toward others. When we compare their best to what we see as our worst we are taking God’s control over trying to be what we think we want rather than what He has made us.

ringed hands“Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load.” Galatians 6:4-5

I have to remind myself daily to test my own actions. My marriage is strong. Yes, we disagree. My husband likes to stay quiet. I yell at times! We don’t always say encouraging words. I don’t think we will make it. I ask God to fill me with hope. We take pride in how far we have come. Our purposeful intentions, to have a successful marriage, stand in the forefront of our relationship. We carry our own load daily. Shaking the shackles and living in the freedom and peace that God has filled us with.

Do you find yourself in shackles when you try to size your marriage up to other couples you know? How do you shake off those shackles to better your marriage?

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